Procrastination... and Motivation

I have 5 hrs before my calculus test and all I can think about is the fact that I have a 4 hour spare, all I've done is a study sheet (incomplete at that) and now I have tons of random derivative and limit stuff to look over. So I decided I was sick of hearing a bunch of friend sit and simply complaining about my math teacher who isn't really a bad teacher. I go to GodTube.com, which is called tangle.com now... a new twist.... anyway. I begin to play random songs- Saviour King, Mighty to Save, I Will Rise. It's not working. Then I hit jackpot. Hosanna.

It goes, "I see a near revival stirring as we pray and seek, we're on our knees, we're on our knees, Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!" The word Hosanna means "save now".  I sing it in my head, Hosanna in the highest- a cry out to God so raw and powerful: save now, save now, save now, in the highest. I'm in tears and my friends ask me if I'm okay. It's beautiful. I want to just sing right now, Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!!!! Hosanna in the highest!!

I think of the people in Jerusalem who cried out as Jesus entered on a donkey, Hosanna, Hosanna! a week before they crucified my Lord. Hosanna they cried, save us! Then they crucified their saviour. But their cry was not forgotten because today so many people cry out, some to God and some to anyone who will hear them save now!

The people sing, the people sing, Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest. I sing it, everyone sings it, and its such a raw emotion, of giving it to God and saying, I can't help myself anymore God, please help me- I don't have the strength to do this alone. It's so different from the arrogance and selfishness that humans hold so tight to that it shocks me.

Then it goes, Show me how to love like you have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks your, everything I am for your kingdom's cost. That's the thing that's different from us and the people in Jerusalem. When I cry Hosanna, I want that to happen to me, God takes everything, and then envelopes me in his infinite love. And then I know that he did just Hosanna.

So I just spent 15 minutes on this entry. Even though I haven't studied yet for Calculus and math is not really my strong point; it was not a waste of my time, because it just hit me. God can do the really big and the really small. Hosanna. If I need help from the God who created math, I just have to ask him to Hosanna. If I need him to help me become a doctor so that I may go to other countries and treat his children who are in desperate need, or stop cancer so that his loved children don't suffer-he can do it. He can Save now, because He is the highest.

Every Last Wave Be My Shield, Every Last Lightning Bolt, Be My Blade- Ukitake Jyuushirou

At certain times, you come across people that you're amazing by them. Maybe its the homeless man you find on the street who used to be a lawyer, but gave it all up. Or maybe it's the teacher who will stay at school till 7 to give extra help, and then move to Kenya to teach something there.

Or maybe it's Ukitake Jyuushirou, 13th Captain of the Gotei 13, a man who has lived for over 2000 years, his every breath suffering from TB. I cannot begin to understand the pain that he must be going through every second; but when we see him, he is always smiling and giving advice, there for not just his squad, but anyone who needs help. He will never allow pain to make him bitter and miserable. Instead, he uses it to make him the kind and peaceful model that he is. This is probably why he is one of the most respected captains of Seireitei.

Now that doesn't mean he's not strong. Because he is. Any shinigami who has survived for more than a few centuries is either a coward who refuses to leave Seireitei and do his job; or is unbelievably strong. Jyuushirou has lived for more than 2000 years, the first and ONLY captain of the 13th squad. Not the mention the peculiarity of his zanpakutou, only shared by his best friend since their academy days- Kyouraku Shunsui. Their swords are the only two double zanpakutos of Soul Society; and its a rumour that Genryuusai Yama-ji; captain commander of Soul Society has banned them from using their bankai; ever. His zanpakuto suits him, and thee shikai command is the title of this blog; which I am too lazy to rewrite.

I guess this is why you can't pity him- he's a strong person; and pity is not something he deserves. I think Shunsui is over than, but even he can understand the pain the his best friend goes through. I think for him, its unease; looking at his best friend, the guy he met when he was a teenager and spend a couple thousand years with suffer on a day to day basis- with nothing you can do to stop it... Shunsui has his own pain as well.

I think that's what makes the two who they are, his sickness and his friendship molded their character. I highly doubt they remember who they were before each other. 15 years in the course of 2000, in nothing. I believe that without this sickness, Jyuushiro would probably be a different person. To him, justice is so important- his justice- take a look at the plans he and Shunsui put together to free Rukia for the right cause; they knew something was wrong, so they acted upon it. Though Ukitake was the first to notice a problem in the situation. They eve stood up to Yamamoto Genryusai-taichou.

For me, it doesn't make a difference whether he is real or not. Ukitake Jyuushiro represents a model that I wish to follow; he is simply a person (real or not) to be in awe of.